A year before I realized this project ,I was involuntarily thrown into a defensive position when in my very first seminar class we were shown 'The Giant Buddhas' by Christian Frei.
Leaving aside the content and quality of the debate,what shook me inside out was the presence of two Pakistani engineers helping Talibaan blast chunks of Baamiyan Budhhas away.Those two didn't necessarily represent majority of us but they did represent me at that specific point in time, in front of that group of predominantly American students.That shame in the privacy of my head determined my stance for the next 18 months.The rest of my time at State University of New York was spent in expanding that probe as it concerned me.
My remorse was related to the embedded truth.A truth that I chose to defend a few times in vain,embracing and using it instead to propel my inquiry made much more sense.
My first questions were;if I can't control who represents me,do I want to choose who does?If I do, how? and I also would need to know who am I being represented in front of? I never quite answered it all with desired decency because I got eager to see if I can choose who I talk to?Just like in real time,as we may have a conversation with a single person,a group of friends or an entire crowd,can we direct our work towards a chosen audience/viewer ship?Secondary questions that followed were;Is this "choosing" strategy going to be exclusive or inclusive? If I want my aunt,my neighbor, my driver to appreciate what I do,how would I respond if they ask me,' what to do with this work that you make?' Does answering this question ask me to challenge the hierarchical position of art object in our society?Can an object floating between utility,art and memory offer an answer?
This clearing completely engrossed me and in coming months I was conscious about developing a visual language that might ease conversation with my own people back home,either through well understood symbolic language,familiar objects or well tread connections.Stupid as it may sound,whenever I was about to present my work,I always asked myself "will my mom understand this?" Obviously most of the work failed this criteria,but still I couldnt shake off the validity and scope of this benchmark.
Personally I was experiencing the most excruciating time of my life,hearing the news of nonstop bomb blasts,IDP situation and drone attacks,while living in a country that was directly related to the situation back home.My livelihood and education entirely depended upon Fulbright grant which I was extremely thankful for,but with every penny came a trace of guilt.Though I worked very hard to earn this grant,deep down inside i felt a little destitute because of the strong analogy with the USAID my government so looked forward to.
Living in that stable country amongst sensitive,caring ,law-abiding people also made me feel small,because I came out of a crumbling system on the brink of moral collapse.I belonged to that segment of working class that was struggling to keep their sanity,keen on making best of the situation not only for our families but for communities we were operating in.One particular challenge for me was to talk of commitment to truth,good practice and creative solutions without falling in the trap of glorifying our past too much.It is not uncommon for us to come to the conclusion that since quality practices, crafts and morals were common in the past,we must return to the good old days.
Ever since the unpleasant experience of those engineers representing Pakistanis,I couldnt stop thinking how common man actually thought?What is included in or excluded from his circle of interest or sympathy?How much he should be expected to know by himself of the finer things in life?Those two were definitely expert minning engineers,but even if heavy cash payment made them justify their actions,how could they not know the concept of World Heritage Sites?
This episode created an instant bifurcation between who I wanted my audience to be and the generic idea of audience/viewership.Although we were reading and thinking a lot about post-colonial realites,nomadism,connective and relational art,minority's expression, through contemporary writings of Nicholas Bourriaud,Homi Bhaba,Ted Purves and many non-Western thinkers,while living in that multicultural democracy,the generic idea of art viewership/audience was very very different from the Pakistani viewer ship.Our practices here are for the 'art-awares',not that others wont understand it but since common people dont have access to art exhibits,the push and pull between the artist and viewer which develops and expands the debate is absent.Nobody is to blame for this,thats how it is .My mother holds a masters degree but since there are no museums,public art or art educational initiatives at any level,how can I expect her to appreciate what I might die for?This is simply unfair to both of us.
So naturally I was keen on playing with the familiarity (of objects,values, role-playing etc) and trying to marry it to my opinion about urgent social issues we were all talking about,through familiar metaphoric connections,in hope of bringing closer what I felt/expressed and what my mom could read out of it.
This object assemblage titled "Bikaoo Maal" was conceived as "Vested Interests:A Bazaari Approach" as my MFA show held in May 2010,which I presented and framed at that time with American viewer in mind.
Now here is this paradox;nice,understanding and very accommodating as they are at personal level,being a green card holder may come laced with a certain self righteousness ,bit of which might be justified but the rest of it is responsible for a lot of injustice in our global society.It sounds rude of me,and I apologize for not being able to sugarcoat it well,but whoever disagrees can see Raymond Davis Case as an evidence.
At human level we are all aware of our shortcomings and strengths,but the way we deal with these is continents apart.Lacking the smugness to dismiss what I didn't wish to hear about myself left me no choice but to make our humble inferiority a part of my expressive language. I was blessed to have great professors and batch mates who both encouraged and challenged me to shape my cathartic response to the unsettling probes inside my head.
While working in jewelery studios,I was exposed to the debates about understanding objects in relation to the body.I liked the idea of body as a mobile display surface.This idea and the fact that I needed my work to be portable enough to ship back home dictated the form of Bikaoo Maal.
Many of the objects included in Bikaoo Maal are based on Islamic geometric patterns.At one stage I was using this grid as a structural device to visually connect all objects together like a tapestry.
The idea was to install a roadside temporary stall similar to the ones set up daily by Afghan refugees,where they sold trinkets made out of inexpensive materials like seashells,semi precious or fake stones,beads and metal.This bauble was not always aesthetically satisfying but I bought some anyways to support the seller whenever I could afford to.Once placed on my body or on my drawer top,these little objects became instrumental in shaping my sense of self and in return my reality as a material proof of the potent goodness in me.We understand and express ourselves through objects we choose to own and naturally we keep those objects dearer that augment our sense of altruistic self .In the similar spirit,not wishing to dictate the utility,I have hand fabricated my humble trinkets to range from very wearable to only collectible as objects.
First reason to use the jewelery form is to cash in on our intrinsic desire to buy knickknack,secondly I like the idea of these objects being carried to different social situations where I might not have access myself.
What matters to me most is that my object remains a material reminder that an act of benevolence occurred because you chose to collaborate with me.Not that we need to be taught to act like that,we as a nation are already big philanthropists,I want us to recognize the collective role of modest acts of generosity and combined capabilities that can help us respond effectively to these troubled times.
People today tend to express the truth with great courage, clearheadedness and positivity as retailation to all the nonsense surrounding us.I follow them to pay my debt back by dividing my energy into hundreds of pieces instead of investing it in a few collector's quality objects,and offer it for sale.The money earned will all be used to buy text books for needy children through Association of Fatima Jinnah Old Graduates (AFJOG).
Nothing of the above could have been possible without my dear professor Anat Shiftan,who pushed me to take my "whys" seriously,thank you Anat!
